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14 September 2015, 17:56
Don't @ me
Let me get one thing straight: I do not hate your cat, and I do not hate cats in general.
But I find your relationship with your cat problematic in the sense that I, and everyone else following your feed, has unwittingly become part of the relationship, too. What's worse is that we can't do anything about it. Cats have such a monopoly over the internet that any dissent is swiftly squashed.
WHY ARE CATS ALLOWED EVERYWHERE BUT MY DOG ISNT?!?! Cats are fucking evil & boring. Plus they go to the bathroom inside. Ewe!— Katie Karo (@Katie_Karo) August 30, 2015
And I've come to the conclusion that cats are super boring— autumn (@audikoli) September 2, 2015
Held Evan's new kitten.. Peed on me, so I'm done with cats— Davis Källio (@DavisKallio) September 11, 2015
children, dogs, cats snaps are really really really boring to me.— Galadwèn (@highlunatic) September 8, 2015
You know it's been a boring day when all ya snapchat stories are of people's cats— beth (@bethleese_x) September 13, 2015
So what's the problem? Well, let me break it down for you.
I really don't need another picture of your cat sat around looking bored AF. Unless it miraculously developed skills in stone masonry or playing the didgeridoo then I ain't interested.
You know how every time you try to take a picture of your cat and it nonchalantly walks away? Yeah well that's because it literally could not give a crap unless you have food.
Do I want to see your cat dressed up? No. Do I want to see your cat staged in mocked up 'funny ha ha' situations? No. Let the madness stop.
YOUR CAT CANNOT USE A COMPUTER. YOUR FRIENDS DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR CAT AND THEY DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU PRETENDING TO BE A CAT.
How would you like it if I invited you round for dinner and you walked in only to find that I had been collecting my own poo in a box in the corner of the kitchen for the past week? Yeah, exactly.
In your heart of hearts, you know you'd love a big dog to cuddle, who loves you unconditionally, that you can take for long walks and won't run away because someone offers it more food. Let's be real, cats are a step down from dogs and a small step up from a house plant.
As if I needed more proof cat owners just want a dog. Is there anything sadder than a cat forced against it will to be outside with a person it only mildly likes. Awks.
Your cat is happy with a quiet life. It doesn't want to be an internet star. It doesn't need the fame. It just wants to go outside to find new owners who will feed it better. Put your camera down, open the back door and let it free.
Your cat is a psychopath. It breaks stuff for fun, it attacks you for no reason, it's absolutely okay with faking it's own death to leave you. So when you talk about "your little angel" please forgive me if I roll my eyes.